很多烤鸭在写雅思作文时很茫然不知从何下手,今天我们通过一个剑桥真题结合官方评分标准一步步带领大家来了解考官到底青睐何种文章?我们如何投其所好?
C10 T1
It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?
01
准备工作
审题
1. 问题是什么
题干首先描述了问题的背景,对小孩而言,从小学会分辨对错很重要。有必要使用惩罚的措施让他们辨别对错。之后的才是真正的问题,需要注意的是这道题需要回答两个问题。
问题1:你在何种程度上同意或者不同意有必要使用惩罚措施?
问题2:老师和家长可以采取什么惩罚措施来教导孩子们端正行为?
2. 对象和范围
这道题属于教育类话题,谈论的对象是children。
至于讨论的范畴,依据关键词learn the difference between right and wrong; punishment;good behavior.
可以知道针对的是教导孩子分辨对错、端正行为时,是不是应该采取惩罚措施。
3. 题型是什么
这道题属于混合类的题型,
问题1:...agree or disagree典型的观点类的题型;
而问题2:what sorts of punishment ...则是属于报告类的题型。
列观点
问题1:To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
采用惩罚的措施 - 让孩子有更深的印象 - 惩罚措施是必要的
采用惩罚的措施 - 年龄太小的孩子还不知道惩罚的意义 - 惩罚措施是不必要的
问题2:What sort of punishment should ...
撤销优待 - 让孩子意识到做错了就会失去优待的权利 - 端正孩子的行为
观点参考:
Corporal Punishment: Opinion
Corporal Punishment is not a good idea
Physical punishment is a way of controlling children using fear
This does not promote trust between adults and children
Children who are punished physically may become shy or resentful
Corporal punishment creates an atmosphere of fear and anger
此处给出的参考观点多偏向于体罚。
组织语言
02
结合评分标准分析范文
Task Response
1. all parts of the topic are responded to well
题干中的关键词分别是children, learn the difference between right and wrong, punishment, good behavior 各个段落皆有对这些关键词作出回应。
首段: a child’s growth对应children; the development of a conscience, tell right from wrong对应learn the difference between right and wrong; punishment对应punishment
段二:To punish a very young child...对应child, punishment; being rewarded for good behaviour and discouraged from bad对应the difference between right and wrong; harsh punishment 对应punishment.
段三:To help a child learn the difference between right and wrong对应children, learn the difference between right and wrong. punishment 对应punishment.
段四:to discipline their young charges对应teach good behaviour to. punishment 对应punishment, child 对应children. much better future behaviour对应good behaviour,learn the difference between right and wrong.
2. all parts of the question are responded to well
题干包括两个问题,范文中也一一做出了回应:
首段:句2...and my firm conviction is that punishment does not have much of a role to play in this.句3Therefore I have to disagree almost...回应了问题1,表明作者的态度是完全反对题干的观点的。
段二:阐述了自己反对题干观点的原因,认为年纪过小的小孩仍无法理解惩罚的意义,相反,到了大一点能明白的年级的时候,奖赏其好的行为,劝阻不好的行为会是更好的措施。同样是对问题1的回答。
段三段四是对问题2的回答:
段三:句8To help a child learn the difference between right and wrong, teachers and parents should firstly provide good role modeling in their own behaviour. 提出要教导孩子端正行为,首先父母老师需要为他们做出正确的榜样。
段四:句11Rather, teachers and parents can use a variety of methods to discipline their young charges... 提出老师父母还可以采取其他的措施来教导孩子区分对错端正行为。
所以全文对问题都做出了回应。
3. main ideas are clear
Main ideas我们对主体段进行分析,这篇文章的主体段位段二,段三,段四,我们依次分析:
段二main idea:句4,To some extent the question depends on the age of the child.讲述了惩罚是不必要的一个原因在于孩子的年龄。
段三main idea:本段的main idea 应该在后两句,提出即使有时候惩罚是需要的,也不能进行体罚,或者其他残酷的处罚方式。
段四main idea:句11,Rather, teachers and parents can use a variety methods to discipline their young charges, such as...举例说明具体的措施有哪些。
4. explanation/examples of main ideas are clear
我们还是对主体段进行分析。
段二的逻辑:句4,首先提出了不能惩罚的理由主要在于孩子的年龄。句5进一步阐述年龄太小的孩子还不能理解惩罚的意义。句6则是谈论对于年龄相对较大,可以理解惩罚的意义的孩子,可以采取奖励好的行为,劝阻不好的行为的方法。句7进一步阐述采用鼓励和劝阻的办法会取得比惩罚更好的效果。
段三的逻辑:句8提出要教导孩子端正行为,父母老师首先需要做出好的榜样。句9,10提出就算之后需要惩罚措施也不应该用体罚的方式
段四的逻辑: 句11举例提出老师父母还可以采取其他的措施来教导孩子如何端正行为。句12同样是举例说明,句13进行总结,采取这样的方式可以更好的培养孩子的责任感。
Cohesion and Coherence
1. good overall structure
首段:交代了题目的背景并提出了观点,指出明辨是非对孩子的重要性,但是自己不同意使用惩罚的手段。Therefore I have to disagree almost entirely with the given statement.直接表明了自己的观点
段二:讲述了不应该使用惩罚的理由,特别是特别小的婴幼儿还不懂事,就算对大一点的孩子有奖有罚也比单纯的惩罚有效。
首段和段二是对问题1做出的回应,段三段四则是对问题2做出的回答。
段三:提出老师和家长应该为孩子树立榜样,就算之后要进行惩罚,也不能采取体罚的方式。
段四:具体举例说明可以采取的各种有效的措施,根据犯错的严重程度不同对待,以此培养孩子的责任心。较后一句也回应了对问题一的回答,作为总结。
2. the first paragraph clearly introduces the essay
首段:先交代了题目的背景,指出明辨是非对孩子的重要性,然后表明自己的观点,不同意采用惩罚的手段。不仅仅很好的引出了全文的话题,同时对问题1进行了明确的回答,表明了作者的态度。
3. topic sentences introduce paragraphs well
Topic sentence 通常是段落的句。
段二:句4,To some extent the question depends on the age of the child.讲述了惩罚是不必要的一个原因在于孩子的年龄。
段三:句8,To help a child learn the difference between right and wrong, teachers and parents should firstly provide good role modelling in their own behaviour. 虽不是段落的main idea, 但是提出首先父母老师需要做好榜样之后,很好的引出了main idea 的论述,即如果需要惩罚,也不能够采取体罚或者更加残忍的措施。
段四:句11,Rather, teachers and parents can use a variety methods to discipline their young charges, such as...举例说明具体的措施有哪些。
4. clear central topic within each paragraph
这一点类似前面对main idea 的分析:
段二:讲述了不应该使用惩罚的理由,特别是特别小的婴幼儿还不懂事,就算对大一点的孩子有奖有罚也比单纯的惩罚有效。
段三:提出老师和家长应该为孩子树立榜样,就算之后要进行惩罚,也不能采取体罚的方式。
段四:具体举例说明可以采取的各种有效的措施,根据犯错的严重程度不同对待,以此培养孩子的责任心。
5. logical paragraph development
这一条与之前也有相似:
段二:句4,首先提出了不能惩罚的理由主要在于孩子的年龄。句5进一步阐述年龄太小的孩子还不能理解惩罚的意义。句6则是谈论对于年龄相对较大,可以理解惩罚的意义的孩子,可以采取奖励好的行为,劝阻不好的行为的方法。句7进一步阐述采用鼓励和劝阻的办法会取得比惩罚更好的效果。
段三:句8提出要教导孩子端正行为,父母老师首先需要做出好的榜样。句9,10提出就算之后需要惩罚措施也不应该用体罚的方式
段四: 句11举例提出老师父母还可以采取其他的措施来教导孩子如何端正行为。句12同样是举例说明,句13进行总结,采取这样的方式可以更好的培养孩子的责任感。
句11连接段三段四,Rather的使用,既承接了段三,又引出了段四其他措施的提出。
6. linking phrases are used well
首段:...the development of a conscience,(照应题干learn the difference between right and wrong) which is linked to the ability to tell right from wrong.(定语从句,修饰conscience, 照应learn the difference between right from wrong)This skill (对应前句the ability to tell right from wrong)..., and my firm conviction(表明作者的态度) is that punishment(照应题干punishment) does not have much of a role to play in this.(this指代the development of a conscience 或者说tell the difference between right from wrong) Therefore(因果承接)I have to disagree almost entirely with the given statement.(再次表明自己的态度,反对题干给出的观点)
段二:To some extent(一定程度上,不完全,增强说服力)the question (指代教导孩子学会明辨是非)depends on the age of the child. To punish a very young child...(照应题干punishment, child), as (解释原因)an infant (照应a very young child)will not...Once the age of reason is reached (照应前句understand what is happening or why he or she is being punished)however,(转折)a child can (提出更好的替代方案)...This kind but firm approach(照应rewarded for good behaviour and discouraged from bad)will achieve more than harsh punishment,(照应punishment)which might entail...
段三:To help a child learn the difference between right and wrong,(照应题干children, learn the difference between right and wrong)teachers and parents(照应问题2的题干)should firstly(提出个措施)provide...After that,(that指代provide good role modeling)if sanctions(照应punishment)are needed, the punishment (照应punishment)should not be of a physical nature, as (解释原因)that(指代punishment)merely...--an outcome(指代前面it is acceptable for larger people to hit smaller ones)...Nor should the punishment be (提成另一方面的“不应该”)
段四:Rather,(承接段三)...can use a variety of methods to discipline their young charges,(过渡,提出还有其他的措施)such as (举例论述)...Making the punishment fit the crime is a useful notion(提出惩罚和过错相抵的措施) , which (定语从句)would see children being...(举例论述)In these ways(照应前面提出的各种措施)..., which(指代前面responsibility is developed in the child)leads to much better behaviour than does punishment.(照应good behavior, punishment )
Lexical Resources
1. appropriate word choices
这一项标准主要包括两个方面:一方面是搭配是否地道,即collocation(词伙)的使用是否正确。这就要求我们在学习单词时以词伙为单位进行记忆,多关注搭配,而不是简单地背单词。另一方面是语义、语域是否恰当。语域可分为中性、正式、非正式,又可分成口语和书面语。雅思写作中要求的是中性或正式的书面语。我们可以看到范文中是没有非正式或口语化的表达出现的。
2. control of word endings/forms
这一点一方面是指不同词性的熟练转换和应用。另一方面,名词的单复数结尾、动词的各种形式,也在该标准的考量范围之内。例如:punish --punishment
3. repetition is avoided
这条标准是我们耳熟能详的:替换词的使用。我们举一些范文中的替换表达。我们举一些范文中的替换表达:
Learn the different between right and wrong: development of a conscience;tell right from wrong;the question;discipline their young charges
A very young age child: an infant
Sanction:punishment
Good behaviour: much better future behaviour
4. spelling is correct
无须多言,除了平时练习后可找同学/老师批改外,也可以把文本输入电脑检查。
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
1. a variety of sentence structures are used
欧洲杯押注软件下载_欧洲杯押注平台:语法的两大标准中,grammatical range是比较难把握的,也很难用一两句话说清楚。我们只有通过不断地分析范文来揣摩。在篇的分析中,我们只作简单句/并列句和复杂句的区分。
【开头段】句1:复杂句
句2:并列句
句3:简单句
【主体段1】句4:简单句
句5:复杂句
句6:复杂句
句7:复杂句
【主体段2】句8:简单句
句9:复杂句
句10:简单句
【主体段3】句11:简单句
句12:复杂句
句13:复杂句
可以看出,全篇复杂句和简单句交替使用。三个主体段都以简单句开头,简洁明了。首段结尾Therefore...使用简单句直接表明自己的观点,清晰明了。
2. Articles
冠词的正确使用。看上去很细节,其实很重要。
3. sentence structures are correct
句法的正确性在语法评分中占比很高,如果有两句以上句法出错,语法分很容易降到5.5以下。所以请大家优先句法正确,再去追求句式的复杂性和多样性。
4. punctuation is correct
雅思作文中通常不出现疑问句和感叹句,所以较常用的标点就是逗号和句号,分号和引号偶尔使用。通常句号的使用不会有问题,但逗号的用法就有比较多的讲究,需要在学习语法和积累词伙用法时多注意。
免责声明:
1、如转载本网原创文章,请表明出处; 2、本网转载媒体稿件旨在传播欧洲杯押注软件下载_欧洲杯押注平台:有益信息,并不代表同意该观点,本网不承担稿件侵权行为的连带责任; 3、如本网转载稿、资料分享涉及版权等问题,请作者见稿后速与新航道石家庄学校联系(电话:400-0311-689), 我们会第一时间删除。