雅思大作文范文分析-儿童肥胖

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20%in the last ten years.Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

这篇文章的范文部分会主要给大家分析分析什么叫与话题相关的主题词，以及句间逻辑的起承转合

翻译：

近十年，在西方国家，儿童肥胖的比例上涨了近20%，这个趋势发生的原因及影响

话题：社会类

类型：报告类

01题目分析：

这道题十分接地气，并不难分析，只是要记住一点，儿童肥胖问题的成因分析，一定要带入到西方国家发展的大环境中分析一下

因为这个题目除了儿童肥胖外还有两个关键词，一个是in western society，一个是by almost 20%，所以记得在书写的过程中分析一下西方国家近十年发展的变化哪些会造成这么多孩子肥胖：

比如造成肥胖的成因之一：unhealthy food，但是在写unhealthy food时我们需要带入社会发展中

即：近十年来，西方社会发展迅速，人们财富增加，外出消费增多，餐厅开的多，餐厅为了吸引食客可能会增加油盐刺激人们味蕾，比如大量的新一代的儿童总喜欢出去吃炸鸡薯条等等，易发胖

Number of children eating unhealthy food is on the rise,and number of increasing fast food restaurants are responsible for that.These restaurant sell tasty food to attract children but these food contain unhealthy ingredients,for example,fat and salt.

再比如广告业在近几年来的蓬勃发展，广告中有很多针对儿童的内容，吸引儿童去吃一些不健康的食物

Some advertisements that encourage children to eat unhealthy diet.

再有就是科技的发展，不光电视，网络游戏手机游戏越来越丰富吸引人，造成孩子不出去运动。

Children do not give time to out door activities because they spend more time watching television or playing games on computers at home,which led to sedentary lifestyle.

就影响而言，这一类型的生活方式和长期肥胖非常容易引发慢性疾病

They are more likely to suffer from chronic diseases like high blood pressure and diabetes,during their late age of life.These conditions are life threatening.

不仅如此，调查显示，肥胖儿童更容易受到校园霸凌的影响，可想而知对于心灵成长，精神健康都有很大影响

In addition,these children can be tortured at school by peers,which can have effects on their mental health like stress,anxiety and insomnia.These problems,in turn,often result in lower productivity at school.

好啦，先分析这么多，咱们来看今天的范文吧

02范文分析

蓝色词为：Topic vocabulary

红色词为：Transition words

Obesity among children has risen sharply over the last decade in western countries.Such a trend is largely the result of a tendency towards convenience in society,yet its effects may be detrimental to children’s long-term mental and physical health.

非常简明扼要的开头段，首句引出话题，后面一句给出原因和影响的大角度，a tendency towards convenience in society以及long-term mental and physical health都是大的角度，方便下文进行展开

The prime causes of obesity are unhealthy eating habits and an inactive lifestyle.In recent years,there has been a surge in the consumption of convenience foods among modern families.Busy parents with no time to cook rely on prepared meals to feed their families.Such foods have little to no nutritional value which contributes to obesity.In addition,children these days spend inordinate amounts of time playing video games than playing outside with friends resulting in insufficient physical activity each day.For example,studies show that children in France exercise on average around 20 minutes per day as compared to 75 minutes 30 years ago.

本段结构为：主题句/分论点1+展开/分论点2+展开，两个分论点在分析过程中都是动态的In recent years,there has been a surge in/children these days这些词句都迎合了题目中的趋势变化

The possible effects of obesity are a range of health issues.Regarding physical health,diseases,such as type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure,are known to be higher in overweight children than their peers.These put a child’s life in danger,and may further affect mental health growing up.When children are obese,they are more likely to be bullied and ostracized by classmates because they look or behave differently.This has been known to cause low self-esteem and depression in many,and thus shun friends in favor of time alone.

与上段的结构相同，本段依然为：主题句/分论点1+展开/分论点2+展开，清晰明了

In conclusion,through poor diet choice and inactivity,obesity is a growing problem that can cause lasting damage to a child’s mental and physical development.However,by addressing this problem while young,much can be done to aid a child in becoming a healthy functioning adult.

这篇范文写的非常好，文章结构工整，全面回应题目，论证角度社会化，词句有力，没有废话。

雅思大作文Cohereance and Cohension这一项中，要求我们要sequences information and ideas logically,符合逻辑的组织信息和观点，清晰的行文推进，很多同学对于这一项的理解就是我们要使用however，and，but，moreover这样的词汇；

除此之外，表示因果，举例，对比如for example，compare to，以及指代前句或者前一段信息的代词this/that等也可以期待句子间的起承转合作用

总结一下就是：引出（regarding/in terms of...)，并列，递进，转折，因果，举例，对比，指代，排序（firstly,secondly,then...)都是句间逻辑达成的重要手段

雅思大作文词汇部分需要我们使用和主题相关的词汇，除了我们理解的obesity肥胖的替换，western society的替换外，对于本题而言，原因影响的词汇表达，食物健康的表达，破坏影响的表达，儿童身心负面影响的表达，都是vocabulary relavate to this topic.

因此总结一下，考场上词汇不要纠结在某些词的使用和替换，反复思考花费很多时间，甚至使用了一些自己不熟悉的词很牵强，要把「视线放宽」凡是这个题目可以覆盖到的主观点都可以算是topic vocabulary